My Life

Worrying Will Never Change the Outcome

From the outside looking in, I may seem put together and have what seems to be a perfect life. I run a successful blog, have a “dream job”, get to travel to different locations and attend shows and meet various people, have a perfect family, a supportive church…. on the outside, yes, this may seem perfect to those who don’t know me. I don’t try to put on a show, by any means, but I suppose to the outsider it looks like things are going well in my life.
worry

Dig a little deeper and there is a whole slew of pains, issues and challenges that I go through regularly. Back in August, I have a pretty major car accident {post here} that changed my life. One would think that life would be back-to-normal now, but it isn’t. I still deal with reoccurring physical pains and complications, health conditions that have changed since the accident, and I haven’t been behind the wheel successfully in a long, long time. I haven’t ever had a panic attack until recently and boy, they are not fun.

In the next few weeks, there will be a lot of changes in my life and if I’m being honest, I’m worried. The people who regularly give me rides will be gone and I’m needing to figure out transportation for the next month. How will I get to the various places I need to go? {I live in a rural area and buses don’t come out this far}

It’s actually more than even this…. will I ever be able to drive by myself again? Will I be able to go through the rest of my life without pain? Will I get back to “normal” again? Will even the mere thought of driving alone not terrify me? Will I find someone who accepts my physical issues and love me despite them? Granted, the last one is not something I should even think about right now, but I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t crossed my mind.

I KNOW that I serve a God who is faithful and can allow good things to come from horrible tragedies and circumstances. I KNOW that God has a plan in all of this. I KNOW that I have people around me that love and support me. I KNOW that my God loves me and isn’t purposely allowing this to make my life horrible.

Am I still worried out of my mind at how everything will work out these next few weeks, months and years? Absolutely. I can’t and won’t deny that. Do I believe that God will work it all out in His perfect plan? Yes.

I have and always will try to be transparent with you all. On the other side of this blog, there’s a girl who is ordinary, has been going through struggles and is still trying to figure out her place in this great big world we live in.

Even though I haven’t fully conquered my worrying state of being, I’m trying. I do know that it doesn’t change anything if I worry or not- how is it that I still let it take control? It’s horrible for my health, doesn’t help my mental state and it really is just a roller coaster for my emotions. Blog friends, let’s try to tackle this nuisance called worry together.

Are you struggling with worry in some area of your life? Have you overcome worry in the past? If you feel like sharing, I would love to hear your story. You can leave a comment or send me an email.

That’s pretty much my heart on a platter right now. I hope that I didn’t scare too many of you away with how personal I get sometimes. This is me: real.

The next time I write, I’ll be back with a more chipper crafty post. Promise.

*photo at the top taken by Krista

Christmas Is Not About Gifts…..

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I will  be the first to admit that I love buying gifts for people, almost to a fault. I love showing the people I hold dear how much they mean to me-  in cards, random acts of kindness and gifts. Showing them in tangible ways how much I treasure our relationship is definitely my love language.

It’s so easy during this time of year to get caught up in the busyness of the season. Buying presents, sending out cards, Christmas parties, holiday baking…… I’ll admit, I sometimes find myself getting sucked into all of it as well. This year, since I was relying on everyone else for rides to get presents, I was getting really starting to get stressed out that it all wouldn’t get done. In the craziness, I had to step back and remember what the TRUE meaning of the season is. Sure, it’s fun to take part of the hustle and bustle, but really this season is so much more than this.

TREASURE the precious moments you have with your loved ones and friends. I know that this year has been financially tough on many- DON’T stress about the presents. Those who are around you {who truly care about you} don’t want things, they want quality time and moments to create memories. How do I know? Every loved one around me has said these words to me.

Tomorrow I’ll be posting a list of some special things you can do {with young and old} to create memories. They won’t necessarily be things just for the Christmas season- there will be things that can be done throughout the year as well.

I’m hoping each of you will join me tomorrow- you can help list items that I missed! :) I hope you all are enjoying this special holiday season this year. So glad you decided to spend a little bit of time with me today!

Health Update

Before I start on my post, thank you from the very bottom of my heart to those who have mailed cards, sent emails or tweets, called or sent a text, or left comments here. I wish I could tell you how much these things mean to me. Since I’m not able to do a lot, it’s these interactions that make me feel like I’m still part of the human race.

It’s been twelve weeks since the accident {story here}. I’ve posted little updates, but I thought I would post everything up-to-date here. Please know I’m not posting this to have a pity party, or try to get sympathy…..I’ve had numerous people ask for an update, so I figured a post would be the best way.

After the accident I was sore and really tired, but it didn’t appear like there was much physical damage. About a week later, everything set in and I was really sore and in a lot of pain. I couldn’t move my neck at all {literally} and my left shoulder was practically to my chin since things were out of place. After a couple weeks of 6x a week of chiropractor appointments and massage therapy, I was able to start moving a little more than before. Driving was something far from my mind since I was still suffering from dizziness and nausea, not to mention major anxiety over driving since I was having flashbacks.

About a month after the accident, I started to feel even better so I started driving and life was semi-normal. Granted, I was still suffering from migraines, some nausea, soreness and dizziness, but it was bearable enough to start working more hours and get back to some of my old activities. I wish I could tell you how excited I was when I was able to drive to church by myself. MAJOR rejoicing.

While I was still rejoicing over feeling more normal, I had a set-back….a major one. I was driving home from work and then I felt super dizzy, nauseous, my vision started to blur and I couldn’t think straight. I pulled off to the side of the road and called my parents to pick me up. It was so discouraging and I felt completely deflated. Was hoping it was just a one day fluke and I would be back to normal…..sadly, that wasn’t the case.

It’s been about six weeks since I last drove and I’m still suffering from periodic nausea/ dizziness/ blurred vision, migraines, not being able to fully concentrate or retain memories and a lot of back pain. Sadly, my body hasn’t really been able to heal properly since I’m not able to sleep longer than a couple hours before waking up. The feeling of being so tired and not being able to sleep= frustrating.

We are still trying to figure out WHY I passed out in the first place. We thought it could have been an allergic reaction, but after an extensive allergy test, it didn’t turn out to be that. I had three MRIs, an EKG, two blood panel tests, a test for my nerves and those didn’t bring any answers either. One doctor suggested something I might have, but this isn’t a definite answer. Still doing some research and getting other opinions.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a doctor who came highly recommended. I’m optimistic since I’ve heard great things– praying we can get some answers. Even if some of the ailments go away, that would be amazing. It’s all of them together that make day-to-day life rough.

That’s the short version of the story. You all are the best blog followers a girl could ever ask for. Again, thank you to those who have checked in on me and been keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. It means so much. If anything changes, you can be sure I’ll give you an update! :)

Car Accident

There are some things you never want to be involved in. One of them: being in a car accident. The story I have for you may sound crazy or unbelievable, but I promise it’s the truth.

On Thursday, I had my full work day. It was a good day and I was so excited to start my weekend off afterwards with a trip to Target, my favorite store. I was making my way there and started to not feel very good, so I headed in the direction of home. I was feeling clammy, nauseous and dizzy on the drive home and was planning to pull off into a driveway to rest. As I was praying to get parked safely, the next thing I know I can’t see anymore and I’m waking up to a stranger talking to me. “Are you okay? Do you know where you are?- those were the first things I heard when I gained consciousness. After coming to, I learned I had passed out while driving. There was someone talking to the 911 dispatcher, people peering out of their apartments and many people gathering around my car.

Many moments later, the paramedics came and started taking vitals and information. Shortly after, a police officer came and got details and started assessing the damage. The miracle? I had crossed FOUR lanes of traffic (crossing the street with oncoming traffic coming towards me), jumped the curb, narrowly missed a tree and hit two parked cars. On top of that, this is one of the busiest streets in the city I was in and there are practically always pedestrians walking on the sidewalks. It’s a miracle that I didn’t get hit by an oncoming car, didn’t hit any walking pedestrians or hit the tree. Everyone around kept stating that they didn’t know how there wasn’t more damage.

It’s another miracle that I didn’t get more injured. In all reality I shouldn’t still be alive. I know for a fact that angels were watching over me. I went to the doctor on Friday and thus far, there isn’t any signs of lasting injuries. I’m SUPER sore, exhausted, dizzy and nauseous, but I know it could be so much worse. I think the fact that I wasn’t conscious helped since I wasn’t able to tense up beforehand. Also, I was wearing a seat belt so I didn’t fly out the window.

I never wanted to be in an accident- after nine years of driving, I haven’t ever been in an accident while I was the driver. Yes, all of this is a hassle, the pain is almost unbearable today and it’s not cool that my car has to be in the shop. However, I’m blessed to be alive. I’m thankful that my friend was able to come quickly and help talk with insurance while I was still recovering, that my sister was able to come from Seattle and take care of me that night, that there are no broken bones, all the cars involved are still drivable and overall everything should be okay within a few weeks.

I’ve been on mostly on my back these last few days- standing and walking aren’t things I can do for very long right now. I would so appreciate prayers for healing and the pain, along with being able to get back to “normal life” soon. I have a test coming soon to see if they know why I passed out, so I’m hoping that will answer questions.

I’m hoping that I can do what I normally do, but just bear with me if there are gaps between posts. :) I’ll be in contact with Ginny so we can announce the winner of the 10 Minute Craft Dash in the next day or two.

I know this is a super long post and I should go lay down again. I’ll talk with you all soon.

*updates can be found HERE, HERE and HERE.