Worrying Will Never Change the Outcome
From the outside looking in, I may seem put together and have what seems to be a perfect life. I run a successful blog, have a “dream job”, get to travel to different locations and attend shows and meet various people, have a perfect family, a supportive church…. on the outside, yes, this may seem perfect to those who don’t know me. I don’t try to put on a show, by any means, but I suppose to the outsider it looks like things are going well in my life.
Dig a little deeper and there is a whole slew of pains, issues and challenges that I go through regularly. Back in August, I have a pretty major car accident {post here} that changed my life. One would think that life would be back-to-normal now, but it isn’t. I still deal with reoccurring physical pains and complications, health conditions that have changed since the accident, and I haven’t been behind the wheel successfully in a long, long time. I haven’t ever had a panic attack until recently and boy, they are not fun.
In the next few weeks, there will be a lot of changes in my life and if I’m being honest, I’m worried. The people who regularly give me rides will be gone and I’m needing to figure out transportation for the next month. How will I get to the various places I need to go? {I live in a rural area and buses don’t come out this far}
It’s actually more than even this…. will I ever be able to drive by myself again? Will I be able to go through the rest of my life without pain? Will I get back to “normal” again? Will even the mere thought of driving alone not terrify me? Will I find someone who accepts my physical issues and love me despite them? Granted, the last one is not something I should even think about right now, but I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t crossed my mind.
I KNOW that I serve a God who is faithful and can allow good things to come from horrible tragedies and circumstances. I KNOW that God has a plan in all of this. I KNOW that I have people around me that love and support me. I KNOW that my God loves me and isn’t purposely allowing this to make my life horrible.
Am I still worried out of my mind at how everything will work out these next few weeks, months and years? Absolutely. I can’t and won’t deny that. Do I believe that God will work it all out in His perfect plan? Yes.
I have and always will try to be transparent with you all. On the other side of this blog, there’s a girl who is ordinary, has been going through struggles and is still trying to figure out her place in this great big world we live in.
Even though I haven’t fully conquered my worrying state of being, I’m trying. I do know that it doesn’t change anything if I worry or not- how is it that I still let it take control? It’s horrible for my health, doesn’t help my mental state and it really is just a roller coaster for my emotions. Blog friends, let’s try to tackle this nuisance called worry together.
Are you struggling with worry in some area of your life? Have you overcome worry in the past? If you feel like sharing, I would love to hear your story. You can leave a comment or send me an email.
That’s pretty much my heart on a platter right now. I hope that I didn’t scare too many of you away with how personal I get sometimes. This is me: real.
The next time I write, I’ll be back with a more chipper crafty post. Promise.
Ahh, worrying. Yes, I’m very familiar with that. Isn’t it fascinating how we are on the outside v inside? For some reason most of us seem really “together” on the outside and our inside struggles are a secret. But that brings us all together & hopefully, will help us forgive & connect & love. We all have inner struggles. Every single one of us. And you’re right, worrying won’t make anything better & most of the time we worry about things that are out of our control. I admire your ability to name your hurdles & process through them. I admire your positive confessions. I admire your strength to share with us. Everything will work out-just not maybe how we envision it. But everything will be okay. Hugs. Xoxo.
Considering all you have been through, I think the things on your mind are perfectly normal. I also think worrying is normal as well but it can be counterproductive, just like all things in excess. But your concerns in regards to reliable transportation, living pain free and so on are all valid. Learning to cope with worry and stress is not easy and I am still learning how to deal with it as well. You are going to be okay.
Oh dearie. My mom always used to say — “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” I try to remember that in times of trouble/hardship. Focus on things you can do to help/correct the problem(s) and leave the rest up to God. (Which I know sounds WAY easier than it is.) XOXO.
Paulina, I don’t have any big words of wisdom and I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I do want to say that I think your mind set is spot on in regard to the bigger picture and your faith. Let go and Let God is a challenge for sure. What has gotten me through my personal discord has been the words “Thy will be done…” Not *my* will! You are amazingly talented and I look forward to seeing more of what you post but please know that the “keeping it real” blog posts are important too. Many blessings as you go through the next few weeks and months.
I’m the worst about worrying too…but I’ve found sometimes if you channel that energy into positive actions it can make all the difference. What if you looked into moving closer to town so you could utilize the transit systems? I find when I’m stressed or worried crafting gets me “out of my head” for a bit at least. And so does a glass of good wine :)
Oh Paulina, I just read your accident post and oh my gosh, how frightening. Did you ever find out why you passed out? I would think that not knowing why that happened would add greatly to your fear and worry. I am an anxious person who also obsesses with worrying about things I can’t control. It’s something I have worked on my entire life…and I’ve made baby steps..but still spend many a night lying awake. I also know what panic attacks are like…ugh.. I had a number of life stresses for several years about 10 years ago and got so bad that I couldn’t leave my house alone for an entire year. I couldn’t even go into my backyard! With medication, therapy and an anxiety-depression support group through my health plan, I did get better. Don’t give up hope…hang in there and get the help you need. In the meantime, blogging about your journey may help, if even just a little bit. If you’d like to email me directly, please do. I have no magic answers but I am a good listener and I’ve gone through a similar situation. Hugs to you.
worry? I worry all the time… I never seemed to be much of a worrier, until after I had kids and now I find that I worry all of the time… I’ve come to accept a little worry to be ok it makes us human and makes us a little more aware of the world around us. I have a little mantra that I say to myself sometimes at night if I notice I am over thinking things and although it may seem silly it works for me… ” worry not about yesterday because it’s already come and gone, worry not about tomorrow because we don’t know what it will bring, think about today because it’s what you have now and here… ” anywho, maybe it will be of some use to you or others. Love reading what you have to say and how you always let us in on human aspects of blogging we so often forget.
Hugs!
I completely what you’re saying. Trusting that God is in control doesn’t stop the anxiety of pain/circumstances. Knowing that God is Sovereign is a fact, but we still have moments of wondering what is going to happen and how we will cope if it does. In some ways I think it enables us to submit more to Him than if we were just able to brush everything off. Have you heard the song Fix Your Eyes by Twila Paris? Its beautiful, and I listen to this (along with Leeland and Jeremy Camp) when I need to centre myself :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5C3t-ZoWgXA
sending prayers.x
Ahhhh, yes. Worry nags us all. Praise God that He is in control and will answer our fears with His power each and everytime. It’s BECAUSE we need Him that He stays close. In our weakness He is strong. Keep on keeping on Paulina! Lastly…the quote that I should have plastered on my mirror and on every wall I look at…”Live by What you Love not by What you fear”. Amen~
Always lean on Proverbs 3:5,6….a little FAITH, can move mountains…..Rest in Him!
We are soul sisters. Going through such similar feelings. It’s so hard NOT to worry, yet it’s what we do when the future is so unclear and our lives are in such a state of chaos. I’m just trying very hard to start each day to wake up and remind myself of what I have to be thankful for, to let go of fear, and to let God be in control. I still have rotten days, still worry, and you will, too, but you have people who love you, support you, and are there for you. Always. ♥