FAITH

Faith…..it’s a tough subject.

After my accident almost seven weeks ago {story here}, my faith has been tested quite a bit. Right after the accident, the first thing I felt was gratefulness to be alive. There’s no doubt about it, it’s a miracle I’m alive. Even if you don’t consider yourself a religious person, it’s hard to deny this truth.

About a week after the accident, a pain I’ve never felt started to set in. At first it wasn’t all that bad, and then it got perpetually worse. I couldn’t move my neck, could barely function and not to mention I was having panic attacks and couldn’t drive for a month. During this time, I started feeling discouraged and depressed. Why would God allow this to happen to me? Life was just starting to get to a place where I felt like things were going smoothly. After nine months of insomnia, a break up, death in the family, along with other things, I was excited that things were starting to look up…..and then this happened.

You know I try to be as honest as possible here on the blog. I hate to admit this, but MANY of my prayers after the accident went like this, “God, why would you allow this?”, “Why do I have to go through this pain, it would have been so much better to have died.”, “I’ve been living my life for You, why me?”.

Shortly after the accident, a song was playing that has stood out to me. I’ve sung this song in church for months, but after everything, it’s gone to the depth of my heart. “My flesh may fail, my God you never will”. My flesh DID fail but my God has been faithful through it all. He has given me just enough strength for each day. He has provided numerous ways to show His love through all of this. He has used many people to bless and encourage me. He’s taught me it’s OKAY to ask for help, it’s okay to be vulnerable and rely on people. There have been countless blessings that have occurred because of this.

After my battle with discouragement and struggling with my faith, God has shown Himself faithful to me. He has been healing me and has provided the finances/ insurance to help with some of the bills. He has restored my passion for life and given me new joy and excitement to pursue things I’ve had dreams for. Things I was way too scared to try before, I’m starting to take steps to do them. The accident has made me realize the term “YOLO” is so true. You only live once.

There are three reasons for me to write this:
1) to show that I still struggle often with my faith and I’m a work in progress
2) writing this will allow me to look back and see what I have overcome
3) to allow you to see that my God is truly faithful and good.

I’m sure down the road, there will be another chapter in this story. For now, this is where it ends. Some of you may be going through tough times, whether it be physically, emotionally, financially….I want you to know it’s going to be okay. Call out to Jesus, He is so faithful.

If you have a prayer request, or questions, feel free to leave a comment below or you can email me. {Click the about button at the top} I hope this encouraged you. I know this was a long post, so I’m going to wrap this up.

Big hugs to you, sweet blog friends.

10 Comments

  1. Ohh Sweet, Paulina….I was so happy to read this post! Struggeling with faith is no easy task! I’m so happy that you are still strong in your convictions and are still looking to the Lord and seeing all the wonderful blessings He’s brought to your life even in these times of trouble and hardships. You’re much stronger than you let yourself believe. God loves you and so do we, your friends and family. I’m so thankful that your outlook on life seems to be taking a turn for the good…it’s good to “see” you smiling again, been much too long. {{HUGS}}

  2. I am sorry to have read about all your trials… I think we all struggle in our faith and thats the beauty of it that even though we struggle we know that God is the one holding us up when we need it the most. God doesn’t like to see us hurt or suffer those are lies from the enemy thoughts of poison”why did God let that happen to one of his followers etc etc…” I can relate, the past two years have been nothing but turmoil… I lost both my Grandpas had major set back injuries in my sport… had a simple nasal surgery & hemorrhaged and nearly died… turned out I had a heart problem and just three months ago had emergency minor heart surgery, have only skated 4 months this year so far and this is the year before the Olympic tryouts (my dream goal). I have really had a hard time staying strong… but I always think back to the footprints poem. Anyway I just found out I need another surgery and am having it next month, even though Im upset I know there is a reason for everything and amazingly I have made the most progress of my career in the few months I have been skating than I have in several years. God is good all the time and I love YOLO ! That is true and I need to keep that in mind. Your post helped me out today and really encouraged me, we all go through difficulties and who knows what they will mean down the road, its all for his glory. Thanks for sharing=) Hugs Ashley

  3. That song is beautiful…I just listened to it. Thanks for sharing it! The one thing that I have learned about God is that He is okay as we struggle through our faith…asking hard questions & wondering “why”. And that is because we are still talking to him, praying…and that is what He wants. He wants a relationship with us where we can go to Him and say, “Seriously?!! Why!!!” I don’t know if we will ever get all the answers we want, but I do know that we go through the trials and tribulations in our lives for a reason. And when I am in my lowest peaks, I cling to that truth and remember that I will get through it with God. He will carry me when I just can’t do it any longer. I will keep you in my prayers as you continue on this journey that has been put before you. HUGS!!! Thanks for posting such a great message today!!

  4. You continue to be in my prayers Paulina. Just remember that God NEVER gives us more than we can handle. ~HUGS~

  6. Prayers and caring thoughts go out to you, Paulina! My two month old nephew was diagnosed with congenital nephrotic syndrome just last week. He will likely need a kidney transplant. My sister and I have been talking a lot and she is struggling with the “why us, what did we do to deserve this?” I wish I could do more to help, but just know you aren’t alone!

  7. Thank you for sharing your faith with us… it is so nice to see that everyone has tough times and that the love of God can pull them through. I hope that your recovery and journey with Jesus continues in such a positive way. You will be in my prayers.

  8. Paulina, my heart has ached over all the pain that you have endured since your car accident. Physical pain is so hard. And then add emotional pain we experience from loss or hurt andd we begin to wonder how we can even survive. Paulina, you have showed tremendous strength through all of this. Relying upon the one and only true source of strength. He is faithful. He is almighty. You are precious. You are His. Hugs to you, friend!

  9. Your honesty and authenticity is a breath of fresh air. I have struggled lately myself with questions of why. It’s words like yours or words like I was given today from a friend that keep me grounded and looking to my source of peace in troubled times. God doesn’t promise a life of perfection and ease, he promises to be there to pull us through and to help us learn and grow in the midst of it. I am thankful for my constant companion and my hope that I know will always be right there in front of me. Thanks for sharing today, Paulina. I am praying for you as you continue to walk this road, that you will keep your eyes on your faithful God and continue to heal each day.
    Lisa
    snappinandscrappin.blogspot.com

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