Recently I’ve heard a saying that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. “If your dreams don’t scare you they aren’t big enough”. When I first heard it, I dismissed it. Of course I have big dreams! Then I got to thinking, what ARE my dreams? What are my goals in life? Hmm, this question was a lot bigger than I had originally thought.

{pondering for a few weeks}

Of course I have the usual dreams of getting married and possibly having kids (which kind of terrifies me, if I’m being honest), but what are my other dreams? Yes, I had some other ones, but only a couple truly scared me. I suppose that’s a start….

Do you all have dreams, or maybe you’d rather call them goals? If so, I would love to hear them if you’re willing to share.

In closing, I want to encourage all of us to dream big. Our time on earth is short, we should make the most of it. :)

Have an awesome rest of your Wednesday. I’ll talk with you all later!

Hello and Happy Monday!

Oh my, this weekend here in Washington we had GORGEOUS weather. The sun was shining, it was fairly warm and I got to spend time with friends. Definitely a win-win-win in my book.

Recently, at youth church (where I’m a leader), we have been doing a “Truth Is… series”. It’s been such a good series. The first week the title was Truth Is…that fair is a fairytale. The second week it was Truth Is…people do change. And last week it was Truth Is…It’s Free not cheap (referencing God’s grace).

The whole concept of God’s grace on us still baffles me. How could someone love me enough to die on the cross for MY sins? In my selfish, sinful being, this is such a hard concept for me to grasp. In the past, I definitely took His grace for granted. If I made a mistake, it was easy for me to think “oh, God will forgive me” no matter what I do. Yes, this is true, but I want to make sure I’m not abusing this special gift of grace He has given.

In the same way, I’ve been thinking a lot about grace is general. Over the years, it’s been easy for me withhold grace to certain people if they “didn’t deserve it” in my book. Then I’m reminded, if God could pour out His grace on a sinner like me, I need to do the same to those around me. Granted, I’m not going to let people walk all over me, but I need to be more gracious and willing to forgive and move on.

It’s definitely not an easy thing to do, but I know this is something I need to work on. I know it’ll be a process, but that’s what our time on earth is, right?

Before I start with my post, I want to say thanks to those who left a comment on my last post. You all were so real and honest and I truly appreciate that. I know that some may be okay with putting on a show, but those days are behind me. I want to be REAL and not always “sugar coat” everything. Granted, there’s a time and place to say things, and sometimes it’s not appropriate to be completely blunt, but there are times when that is okay. :)

Okay, now we’re going to get personal. Pretty personal, in fact…..

I have suffered from low self esteem pretty much all my life. It may be the perfectionist in me, but I never really thought I “measured up” and reached my full potential in a lot of aspects of my life. When I moved out a few years back, it got even worse.

As many of you who have read my fitness blog know, I gained a whopping 60 pounds in a year. This in itself made me feel not attractive, even though people still said I was. However, there were a few people that started saying really mean things that really got in my head. My fiance at the time (one of the worst ideas ever) had some friends that started to get pretty vocal about my weight gain. To make matters worse, they said it on MySpace. (Remember that site?) They would say I was ugly and fat, that I looked like a man, he was better off without me…. I saw these things and they started to really affect my thinking, and still do to this day.

I know in my head that I shouldn’t seek self worth in people, but in God, but it is definitely not easy. My mom and boyfriend are constantly telling me “you are beautiful”, but I still struggle with believing them.

I don’t really know the point of this post. It might be just to let you in on a little piece of my life, or how I think, or it might be to say that words can definitely be hurtful (and stay with people even six years later). You can take whatever you want from it.

Thanks for stopping by today. Have a wonderful rest of your day.