The Four Letter Word…
No, no, it’s not a profane word. In fact, it’s a word that is fairly common and yet to more and more people, it’s a word that reminds us of our humanity.
FEAR.
Growing up, I was in no way a daredevil or carefree child. I was cautious and never intentionally did something that could cause injury and to this day, I’ve never broken a bone. Partly because of my cautious nature, but also partly because I’m terrified or breaking something in my body. Even typing those words makes me cringe.
When I was growing up, I never thought of myself as fearful or one to struggle with anxiety. Sure, I liked things done in a certain way, but it never caused sleepless nights or anxiety if it didn’t happen the way I had planned. Now things are quite different….
I’m finding myself in fear of a lot of things. Truth be told, I can pinpoint that it got a whole lot worse when I had my car accident. This was the moment when life as I knew it changed and the everyday things that I used to do became a distant memory. Fear took over when I started having panic attacks after I started driving again. Fear took over my mind when I thought of all the things I couldn’t do anymore. Fear took over with my recent blood sugar issues. Fear took over my dreams of the future. You know, the one that had a Prince Charming, a picket fence and a couple kids in it.
You know what I hate most about fear? It robs me of joy. It robs me of excitement for the future, or things I dream of and it robs me of the progress that I HAVE made in the years after the accident.
Lately, as the one year mark of my shop inches closer, I find myself fearful that this will all end. What started as a part-time job has turned into my full-time, this-is-how-I-make-my-income, job. What if customers don’t need sequins anymore? What if I can’t come up with my creative ideas for dies? Seriously, the list goes on and on.
FEAR. It’s only four letters but it causes havoc in our minds and bodies.
Want to know one things that has been helping me deal with fear? YOU ALL. Lately I have been having numerous blog readers, friends, or customers randomly (and yet all around the same time) bless me with e-cards, gift, notes or emails. Knowing that I’m not facing these challenges alone is so incredibly helpful and reassuring. These journeys, both my health and business ones, are ones I have been open about since the beginning. It’s been amazing to see how me being open (and sometimes downright vulnerable) has opened doors to friendships with readers across the world. Now I wouldn’t wish chronic illness, unknown health issues or a car accident on anyone, but knowing that these are doors that have prompted friendships is crazy-yet-amazing to me.
This may sound silly, but I’ve also been reading my previous posts and seeing how far I HAVE come makes me a little less fearful. If you’re new to my blog, you may want to read these previous posts:
- Finding Joy In the Journey
- Worrying Will Never Change the Outcome
- Influence
- Change Is Inevitable
- Purpose In Life
Do any of you suffer from fear? How do you deal or cope with it? I’d loved to hear from you all about this topic. I know I’m not the only one who suffers from it! *wink*
Whew! This was a long post, but I was long overdue for a heartfelt post and I wanted to share a little bit of what’s been going on with me. I miss chatting with you all and while I’m “officially” a business owner now, I still think of you all as friends and I hope that you’re okay with me sharing posts from the heart. ♥
I always have loved the honest, heartfelt posts that you have written over the years. Hang in there baby! You are a strong, positive and very creative person who deserves success and happiness in your life. xox
Oh, Paulina, fear is a nasty four letter word! It can immobilize me and cause even worse outcomes than if I would just face my fear and move forward. I find that my faith has to outweigh my fear and then turn it over to God. Things then move forward and I don’t worry so much. Keep up your amazing work and sharing what is going on will lessen the fear and the weight of you worries. You are an inspiration and will continue to do wonderful things!
Hang in there sweetie.
I have had my fair share of things that are sometimes hard to recover from for sure.
Starting with the death of my best friend in a head on car accident, moving on to the loss of our first daughter who did not develop a brain, I permanently hurt my back in a fall, my sweet mom lost her fight to cancer , I permanently damaged my first knee a month later, then as luck would have it I permanently damaged the other one 4 months later, my dad passed away…. Other things have happened along my life’s journey and I admit they can pull me down whether it be the physical pain or the emotional kind.
Mainly I try to focus on the blessings I have in my life. A husband who has stuck by me, a beautiful daughter who has grown into a wonderful human being, seven siblings who are still with us, friends, and of course my love for crafting to name a few.
My advice is to hang in there and try to focus on the wonderful things life has given you. Try not to dwell too long on the hardships because they really can bring you down.
When I’m feeling down I like to write down all the wonderful things I have been blessed with remembering to add the small blessings as well as the big ones. Sometimes seeing that list can be just what I need to get me through the hard times.
I hope this helps a little.
Hugs,
D~
DesignsByDragonfly.blogspot
Dear Paulina & D~
Reading your posts came at just about the best possible time for me. I have been battling a serious case of depression for a little over two years now, due to a serious injury (both knees, disks in my neck and back as well as my right shoulder). I have recently been declared 100% disabled by my worker’s comp insurance company and this is not an easy thing to come to terms with.
As a parent of three grown children, I was the parent at all the games and events, bringing snacks and drinks; organizing; taking photos and making sure everyone had rides. As a full-time employee at our local HS, I kept score for the Varsity Boys’ soccer team, was the yearbook advisor and stayed after school several times a week so that students could stay and use the exercise equipment to get in shape. On top of that, taking care of an aging parent who is a severe alcoholic is not so easy some days.
My life totally changed on 2/2/12 and I keep reliving that day over and over again in my mind. No sense worrying about what was and what is, but I am having difficulty admitting that I now have so many limitations. Your messages came as the perfect reminder and I could feel myself falling into the awful pattern of another teary afternoon.
Many blessings to you both and thanks so much for sharing your stories.
Maggie
I’m so sorry you’ve been put in such horrible positions. Most of us wont experience a horrible car crash – but will know someone who has. Your fear is natural. I have fears too – that mostly pale in comparison. I hope this is all just temporary and that you will heal mentally as you have physically. Big hugs to you Paulina! I would say you are very BRAVE!
Kudos to you Paulina for allowing yourself to open up and share your vulnerability. Your readers get to know you better and can help support you with their caring and prayers. There is an acronym I have heard that helps me when I become fearful. It is FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real. I look at the thing I am afraid of and realize it may be a blessing in disguise. I also realize I don’t have to be perfect. I can accept help and the support of my friends & family in helping me get through a difficult time. We can’t know the future, we take one step at a time. Doors open. Help arrives. Each day has things and moments we can be thankful for. Your business is growing as you put so much care and thought into your products and presentation. Take care of yourself and lean on your faith and your friends. Blessings to you.
Hi Paulina, I love your heartfelt posts! Fear keeps me up at night. I have to give it to Jesus. I found a little booklet at Meet Me in the Meadow from DaySpring called Fret Busters, I carry it in my purse and have a copy by my bed. Roy has fantastic blog posts about fear.
As for Pretty Pink Posh, you girlfriend have single-handedly started the current sequins craze! I know sequins have been around a looong time but I just googled PPP, guess how many search results popped up…7,600,000! Blessings, Kym
Thank you for being so candid and sharing with your readers. I lived a great part of my life hiding behind fear of the unknown and perhaps it will always be a battle for me. Sometime ago, my “perfect little life” plans fell apart; disappointments turned into heartaches turned into lose of hope, and the uncontrollable panics set in. Everything I had feared all my life surfaced. Oh, and that fear of the unknown was the worst…it paralyzed me. I spiraled down fast and hard, and lived for years in a place where I was aimlessly trying to stay afloat just to catch a breath of air before I sank down again. Fortunately those dark days are behind me now, but perhaps fear is a part of my make up which I can’t deny. However, I have learned that when I feel fearful of something and negative thoughts creep in, I would recall those moments when I faced my fears, how time will eventually heal all, and the triumphant result of self discovery, embracing change, and the hidden strength I never thought I had. Then from time to time, I refresh those triumphant moments with doing something a bit challenging and perhaps a bit adventurous; something that I might be fearful of doing. And thru time, my mind is being conditioned to think that something good always come out of a “fearful” situation; it is never as hard or as bad as I thought. Ahhh, imagine that…me + optimism….is that truly possible?!?! Years of training the mind, I can feel that slowly, positive thoughts are dominating over the negative thoughts, which is a good place to be! But it is an exericse of will and a self-decipline that I still work diligently on a regular basis.
I am glad to know that the friendships you made thru your business and your blog offer comfort for you. It’s so important to have the support during hard times in our lives. I wish you love, and look forward to growing together with you and Pretty Pink Posh.
You mean I’m not the only one whose fear meter seems to notch higher and higher as the years pass?
I am thankful for all of these honest posts. There is a certain camaraderie in knowing you are not alone. I think we all deal with fear in different ways. For me personally, I try to fight fear with humor and positivity. Does it always work? No. But it’s worth trying to find the humor in all situations.
It makes me happy to know I’m not alone, but then it makes me sad to know that others feel this way.
Cheers everyone!
Beautiful post, I was so fearless when I was little and younger, once I had my son, everything had changed. And it is because now I have something that I really love like never before and that’s what you are feeling, but not fear because you’ll never run out of creative ideas, the ideas will evolve with time and you’ll come up with new trends like my song grows stronger and I feel more accomplished, but the our fears will always be there and that is a good thing, because it means that we truly love what we are and what we have in our lives! XO
Hi Paulina, as others have written, I, too, experience fear, anxiety and panic attacks. I listen to Joyce Meyer TV shows which has been a great help. She says it’s normal to fear since it is an emotion we’re born with. We just need to lean on God, move out one step at a time and not give in to the fear. My primary doctor also told me that we women experience dramatic hormonal changes that can add to the problem which actually made me feel better because I thought I was weak and it was all my fault. I do take medication when I feel real anxious which doesn’t happen too often now since I’ve accepted that I do get anxious. God has promised that He “will give us a way out” in any situation and He has for me and I know He will for you! I promise to keep you in my nightly prayers.
One of the reasons I follow your blog is because of your open and honest posts! You have a way of writing that is heart warming and honest which I love! I feel like I know you and I am cheering you on always through your difficult times. You are a gift to all of us who find and follow you! Keep writing the honest posts. When you are passionate about something like your business it shows and people will keep supporting you and your business will grow even bigger! This I know for sure!
Hugs!!
Hang in there! Keep going forward! TRUST GOD! He will carry you through! We can’t always see but hindsight is great for this! Look how far you have come! You are an inspiration to me!
I’ve been following your blog and shop for a little while now and I have to say I think you’re an amazing woman. You’re blogs inspire me, the creative ones but also these vulnerable ones where you open up about your life. Seeing how you work your way through the setbacks and how you managed to build this amazing lines of craft sequins and dies really inspires me. I’ve been fighting fear and depression for some time and reading your stories and from some other people helps me to get my stuff together and to try new things. To get hope for the future and to know that we are capable of many things. When I don’t know what to do anymore I’ll often read my bible or pray to get a bit more ‘stable’ but I don’t have any real eye opening advice for you yet ;).
Thank you for being so honest with us!
You are a wonderful and brave woman. I always wanted my own store but was never brave enough to try. Fear, that dog gone thing, I am now 64 and too old to start a store. I have worked retail all my grown life, but start my own. Panic attack! I also get terrible panic attacks, without my medicine I could not do anything. So see you are brave, you have done it!! So proud of you! Please take care and we love to hear from and about you, our friend. Thanks for listening or reading (lol) about me!
Thank-you Paulina for sharing with us. I am also a small business owner and fight the fear battle with it’s constant companion, anxiety. Since it’s just me that everything falls to and I’ve been through some lean times that fear can rear up and cause me to not step out when I really need to. My faith helps me during the midst of that, and I’ve also run across some amazing quotes to encourage me.
“Half our fears are baseless; the other half discreditable.”
— Christian Bovee
My Dear Paulina, you are not alone! Fear cripples me at times as well. Actually, more often than I wish. I create to alleviate my anxiety. And do not fret, if sequins do go out of style someday (I hope a loooooong way down the road) I’m sure you will have the next best thing! I really didn’t think I would jump on the sequin bandwagon, but I now have 6 Craftmates 14 compartment containers filled with your sequins and all of your die sets!! I am confident that you will continue to come up with wonderful ideas for dies, and I will be purchasing them (I LOVE dies)! I actually just received my latest order from you yesterday, and I love all the new colors of sequins I got as well as your new dies. Even though I ‘fear’ change sometimes, my motto is ‘the only thing constant in life, is change’!
Paulina,
I enjoy your posts so much and certainly applaud you for the progress you have made.. I did some meditation for sleep issues and found it very helpful. One thing I learned is to stay in the present moment. Dwelling on the past or jumping to the future is where all the fears and scary stuff resides, when my husband was diagnosed with a serious melenoma the doctors wanted a positive attitude, the counselor advised thinking of one happy or beautiful experience. Even if only for a minute when the dark clouds came. Will be thinking warmly of you as you continue your journey.
A few weeks ago, I would have said: “No, I don’t really have any fears.” But then I had a week & a half where I didn’t get any calls for subbing…. and I started to think that I had done something wrong and they didn’t want me to work there anymore. I started thinking about what else I could do for a job and I felt sick to my stomach with worry. Then, I got called in, asked if everything was okay (It was — it was just very slow for subs!) and I felt better. As much as I trust God (& I do!), I just kept thinking: “What if He doesn’t want me to work there anymore? How would I know what He wanted me to do instead?” A memo or post it note message would be nice, but He just doesn’t work that way. I guess that’s why it’s called trust. :)
I’m so happy that PPP is working for you to be full time! That’s fabulous, Paulina! Congratulations on your success!
Hi Paulina, Your posts have really touched the hearts of your readers. Fear not, God is with you – we have to remind ourselves and each other every day! My heart breaks when I hear of your struggles and also those of your readers. I think we all struggle with anxiety for situations that have, are, or may happen. We have to learn to hand it over. – no matter how great or small. What great sadness and joy I got from reading D’s comment. Paulina, you have created this amazing support for all of us, through your blog, and we love and support you.
Hi Paulina,
I think fear gets the best of most of us sometimes. I have a very wise friend that quoted these words to me and I am sorry I don’t know who the original author of this fabulous quote is but it has definitely helped me at times – F.E.A.R – False Evidence Appearing Real! I hope thinking of this helps you at times when you feel you cannot conquer the feeling on your own. SharonP
I deal with this on a daily basis. I fear that I am not up to snuff as a parent, an employee or wife. Fears keep me from taking risks or doing things I might enjoy too. I am 45 and don’t even know what I want to be “when I grow up” because of the choices I will have to make to do so.
I started having anxiety attacks a few years ago and knew I had to face some of the things I feared and let go of the fear of taking a risk. I chose to set teeny, tiny small goals. When I accomplished them, then I would go on to the next one until my largest goal was met. If I did fail, I analyzed it. Did the world end? Nope. Did I learn something from it? Yes so in reality, it wasn’t a failure.
I just try to live my life day by day and face the fears as they come. Some I can avoid but others are inevitable. Big hugs to you!!
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt posts…fear is something everyone feels but many times just try to hide it. I usually try to calm myself with these thoughts “can I do anything about it…if not just leave it up to God.” My faith has helped me through many fearful situations and I know His Grace helps me every day!
Remember what you’ve been through. You’re still here with a new,successful company. Paulina, you are strong & pretty darn brave.
Honestly, I think everyone has a fear of something(s). So you’re not alone, nor is anyone. I have some fears, I’m not gonna lie. I take everything one day at a time. I don’t think about them. I don’t try to face them. However, if one of my fear faces me, I take a deep breath and go for it. Usually after, it’s a huge relief and not to say my fear is gone, but it’s certainly easier to face the next time, if need be. ;)
I hope you find some relief and joy in each day! Stay strong! Stay positive! :) Sending warm thoughts and hugs your way!