Friends

It’s been almost seven months since my car accident and I’ve learned so much from this experience. Granted, I never wanted to be in this situation, but it’s happened and the only thing I can do is focus on getting better, take the good out of this difficult time and {hopefully} encourage others with the things I’ve learned from it.

Before  I continue on, I want to say that this post isn’t me being passive aggressive, “bash” or have a “pity party” for myself. If I’m being honest, I have thought about typing up/publishing this post for months and months now. Every time it reappeared on my blog calendar, I would scribble it out and schedule something else. It’s not exactly an easy topic, or one that will make me many friends. This has been on my heart and I thought I would share it with you. 

I’ve always known that hard times reveals your true friends, it’s a fact of life. It’s been quite a while since I faced something truly life changing, or something I would classify as “hard”, but I would definitely say the accident has been major in my life. It’s changed my outlook on health, the things I used to take for granted such as work, driving and even standing, and it’s also changed my thoughts on friends.

You may think the quote above is a bit dramatic, but if you truly think about it, it’s true. When you face a difficult situation, it’s not uncommon for people to step back from your friendship, treat you differently, or possibly even pull away completely. It’s usually not an easy task to “walk” with your friends through valleys- sometimes you just don’t know the words to say, how to react, or you just are uncomfortable with everything. Truth is, it’s during these times where they need a TRUE friend .

Qualities of a true friend:

• They check in on you. It can be as simple as a text or email, but these things mean a lot. Trust me. It’s better to text them even a simple “thinking/ praying for you” than letting days, weeks, months go by and not saying anything. You may have a friendship where you don’t have think you have to do these things, but if they’re going through a difficult time, these things mean the world.
• They encourage you to get out of the house, even if you don’t want to {occasionally}. It’s so easy to wallow in your grief or pain and start having a pity party for yourself. Sometimes you really do just need to get out for a bit. It’ll make them feel “normal” for a little while.
• They are there for you. There may be awkward silences, or moments of crying, but you will remember the times when they were there. It’s amazing how sometimes even just their presence can make a world of difference.
• They do everything they can to help you. I personally dislike inconveniencing anyone for anything. I’m the type that does things the hard way so I don’t have to ask anyone for help. Truth of the matter is, everyone needs help at sometime, and usually when you’re going through a rough patch, you need help. Offering to help makes it so much easier than having to ask. {Don’t offer to help if you aren’t willing to actually follow through}
• They don’t gossip or share your difficulties with others. Sometimes there are situations where others may ask, or someone needs to step in, but no one likes their “dirty laundry” or issues out there for anyone and everyone to know. Be discerning.
• They surprise you with things you enjoy. It doesn’t have to be big {or even often}, but a small gift card, a little trinket, a book, a drink or meal…those things can really brighten someone’s day.

I could keep going, but these are the things that have meant the MOST to me during these last eight months. I’m not going to pretend, I honestly am surprised that some people who I THOUGHT were close friends haven’t contacted me once, or some have stopped checking in altogether. Yes, the accident is in the past and I am slowly recovering, but still it’s nice to know that they care, even just a little bit.

I don’t want a pity party, I promise. I guess I just have learned who TRULY are my close friends during this time. Have some actions {or lack thereof} changed my friendships with some people now or in the past? Absolutely.

There WILL be some people who God has put in your life for just a season. It’s true, some people will walk through life with you for a few months, or years, and then the friendship fades. Honestly, sometimes this can be a good thing. Who really just wants “fair weathered” friends?

I can’t wait to hear you all weigh in on your thoughts on how you would classify a true friend, how others have shown their friendship, or even listing the ways you feel like you could improve on being a friend.

In closing, I want to say that some of my blog readers {many whom I have never met} have been some of the sweetest friends a girl could ever ask for. Your comments, emails, words of encouragement have honestly helped me so much during this chapter of my life. I’ve learned so much from your example on how to be a friend. Thank you just doesn’t seem like enough for the things you have taught me.